When do you let go?

Next Saturday I will lead some thoughts at the funeral for Irene Neede. Back in November Irene came and asked if I would perform her funeral. She wanted the service to be used wisely, continuing the message of life and grace that she even, and especially, in her sickness and dying was preaching. She had been given two weeks to live, so we put together a plan. Then we prayed for strength, peace, comfort from pain and insight into God’s will in this situation. She held on until this past Wednesday, although there were several moments that she thought the end was right around the corner – and then the doctors were able to lengthen the time.

I have often been encouraged by the thought that the Holy Spirit knows what I feel and think and can express this to the Father. ‘In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.’ Romans 8:26-27

But I must admit that I struggle greatly with how to deal with these situations. I wonder for myself as well – what would I do? Since technology can do so much (and yet far from all we would like it to be able to do), we are left with some difficult questions. Although maybe they are not such new questions. The apostle Paul said: ‘For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.’ Philippians 1:21-24  Technology in his day was a far cry from what we experience today, but his questions were the same as mine.

My struggle comes more with the when. I have known people who were dying who feel they need to live for their children or others. Others feel they need to die, to leave, because their time has come. Often the one who ‘needs’ to stay dies and the one who ‘needs’ to die has to hold on longer. So when can you let go? How do you do that? And do I help people understand that they do not have to feel guilty either way? When can I let go, if I know I am dying?

This becomes most difficult when ‘doing all you can’ to stay alive means that you are literally kept alive long past what would usually be possible. Can we let go? (I am NOT talking about euthanasia!) What do you think? I would really appreciate your input.