Lessons in grace: a beautiful burden

Christmas day with Willemien 
Originally uploaded by sraabs

When I have thought of grace in the past, in the years of my spiritual walk, I have most often thought of it in relation to what I receive. God is gracious. His grace lifted me. I am alive because of His great grace in my life. But this past month has been teaching me something that some of you have probably known for a lobng time – we are given grace in order to share grace.

At the end of January we moved our sister in Christ, Willemien, to a nursing home. Willemien has no family – not because she is 92 and all have passed on, but because she was in a family of two children and she herself never had children (and neither did her brother). We – the church family in Maastricht – are her family. As time has gone by we, and Willemien, have seen that she needs more help. We saw that she was approaching a time when she would need more help than could be given in her home. Willemien assumed the time to move would not become before the time to go Home to be with her Father, God. But the time to move came.

Moving is never easy. Both Shirley and I moved around a lot as children. I always found it exhilarating – a new place, a new start, an adventure. But it also meant that I didn’t spend too much time making friends. We have now lived in our house here in Belgium much longer than any other place in my life. Willemien had lived a good 40 years in her flat in Maastricht. So moving was not going to be easy. Not only does one have to downsize, but it would mean that her dog could not travel with her to her new situation.

Before the time came (which is a story in itself for another time), I had let Willemien know that I was willing to do everything that was necessary to take good care of her – even if that meant that she would be angry with me. She assured me that she would never be angry with me. But I knew that dementia has its own rules, and I prepared myself. When the time came, Willemien seemed to be fine – until the second week in her new ‘home’ started.

On Sunday afternoon we visited her and she did not want to get out of bed. She did not want to look at us. She did not want to talk to us. Would we please leave as quickly as possible and leave her alone. We had stolen her dog, locked her in this place where there was nothing to do and stolen all of her things. It was then that I felt how heavy grace can be.

I have read it so many times. But remember again: ‘God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten son’, ‘but lGod shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ and ‘who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself’ (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8 and Phil. 2:6-7). God gave me everything and I didn’t deserve it. Worse still, I treated Him abominably - and sometimes still do! And still He loves me and is there for me.

Do we understand what that feels like? Do we understand what that costs? He knows that He is giving us the very best, everything that we really need – and it is all really good. But we don’t see it. We have forgotten. We are focused on other things, Or we simply cannot fathom what is going on. But grace continues.

Willemien is doing much better this week. She is getting settled in, realizing that this new phase in her life is also blessed by God. And I am thankful for the lessons we can learn and how this makes me love Him so much more, every day.

A little thing

The other day when we showed Willemien this picture she was very surprised. "Look, the baby is doing just fine, and I am talking." You see, she was convinced (even after this had happened) that she could not hold or take care of a baby. When she was a child, just before a family picture (nephews and nieces included), her mother told her that she could not hold a baby (with the idea that the baby would be in trouble and that Willemien was not made of the right stuff). 

Willemien and Cor never had children. Somewhere in her head were still the words and thought of her mother - she couldn't handle babies. Even after holding Joelle on this day (this is the youngest of one of our members in Maastricht), she didn't think she could do this. When she saw the picture, saw that the baby looks quite comfortable, and that she is actually doing it, she believed it possible. 

I want to be careful that I am encouraging my children, being aware that even the smallest thing I say may have quite an impact on them as they continue to grow. 

Welcome, "Sweetheart"

Willemien and Lyuba
Originally uploaded by sraabs.

We weren't planning on taking anyone home, but when we got to the dog pound in Maasmechelen and saw the little English Cocker Spaniel, Willemien was certain. There were some concerns: this little guy is only 8 months old, he still needs to learn a lot. But the two have taken to each other amazingly.

His name is slavic and (Willemien tells me) means "sweet heart", or "nice", or "kind" (I am sure that some of you might be able to give me a more precise definition - either in Russian, Ukrainian or Slovakian). And he is just that. From the first day he has been a loving help to Willemien. And unlike her other dogs, he listen to her first, and then to others (like me).

We are so thankful for this comfort in her life. God is so good!
You can see some more pictures of Willemien and Lyuba by clicking on the picture here.

Unexpected farewell

MacRooney was the runt of the litter. But that was perhaps why Willemien loved him and wanted him. He was full of fun and life, jumping and catching (he could throw a ball in the air and catch it - all by himself), beating your legs with his wagging tail. Willemien wasn't even sure she wanted another dog. Her experiences with Bartelo had not been good. And Willemien is no stranger to dogs. 

The day Willemien was born she was given a dog - a big bouvier. Since then she has always had dogs, even though she actually liked cats better. When she was married to Cor, they had dogs - first a collie, then various sorts of hunting dogs. Bartelo was the last of that line, taking over the house when Cor passed away, making life difficult for Willemien because he missed his master and decided that he needed to be master in the house. 

When Bartelo got sick and needed to be put down, Willemien was not planning on getting another dog. She had had enough. But MacRooney (Rooney for short) stole her heart. And they were so good for each other. Rooney probably would not have lived if Willemien had not chosen him. No one wanted the others in the litter and they were put down. And to be honest, Willemien definitely wouldn't have done as well without Rooney. 

The last three days Rooney has been at the vet. Willemien barely got outside (she usually walks Rooney 3-4 times a day). When she called today, I could hear that it was not good news. Rooney had developed a kind of meningitis - an inflammation in his brain, perhaps caused by a hernia which had gotten worse in the last days. He was already blind. Willemien didn't want to see him in any more pain and allowed him to go to sleep. MacRooney was only five years old. 

For anyone without a dog, this may all seem quite trivial. But these two helped each other live. Please consider Willemien in your prayers. She is doing well, although the sorrow hits in waves. We sat and looked at possible new dogs - she knows that she really needs to find a help (and one she can help) fairly soon. So we look forward to seeing who will choose her soon. 

Wonderfully made

This evening we went in to visit Willemien in the hospital. She is our 86-year-old sister who continuously encourages. She is not in the hospital because she is sick really - she is getting a new knee. This is her second one. You might remember me writing about her other one a year and a half ago. Now she is getting her right knee renewed.
It amazes me how wonderfully we are made. Now you might think "Wait a minute - she needs a new knee. How wonderful can that be?" But what amazes me is that this is possible! God has made us so wonderfully that we are able to figure out how to do this. And, amazingly, those wonderfully smart doctors and engineers figured out how to make these replacement knees by looking at how the original was made. They even try to find solutions for the materials. These new knees only last 10-15 years. Just about enough for Willemien (all the women in her family have lived to be at least 90!)
Just as amazing is how God has made our bodies to respond to something like this. Willemien was operated on yesterday morning. Her leg was put in a sled to start working out while she was in the recovery room. This evening, after getting some good sleep through the day, she was laughing and in good spirits. Tomorrow she will get out of bed and start walking. By the end of the week she will be able to leave the hospital, ready to use her new knee.
Our bodies are made to renew, to heal, to grow. And this while we are actually dying a little bit every day (now that's a slightly less positive thought). But that ability shows us how wonderfully we are MADE. And it points us to our true future. I love that Willemien puts those things together. She knows her future!

Wiser on the Way

This evening we finished up the "Getting to know the Bible" series of lessons. In Dutch it is called "Wiser on the way". A "wiser" has two meanings: to be wiser and something that points (like the hand on a clock). So the title means that you can become wiser on the way and you can be pointed to the right direction with the Bible.

We had put a press release in the local papers and had 5 good reactions. Mr. W. showed up for lessons 1-3 last week. (We know that at least two others tried to find it, but got lost in our neighborhood - something to learn from for next time!). We have had some wonderful discussions with him each evening. He decided to stay for lesson 4, 5 and 6 this week and has asked for more information on the church and on the Bible. Thank you for your prayers and please keep him in your prayers.

One of the most encouraging things throughout this series has been Willemien, our 85-year-old sister. She has been present each time we have offered lessons 1-3. She makes sure the room is open, turns on the heat if needed (we started these last Fall) and gets coffee ready. But more importantly, she takes part. As she has said, most of the time she arrives tired (the lessons are in the evening) and leaves completely energized. This time she was telling everyone to be sure and come - and she takes the information she has learned and passes it on to people she meets and talks to. What a wonderful blessing she is to the church here!

Thank you for your prayers for this effort. We will repeat the series again in the Fall, hopefully reaching more people from here in the neighborhood.