Digging in the past

Family is important. Knowing where you come from, what your background is. Knowing doesn’t mean that you are fated to be a certain way, but it always helps to put things into perspective. 

Both Shirley and Scott come from relatively large families. Scott grew up with 4 brothers and a sister (he is in the middle). Shirley grew up in a family of 8 kids, where she is one of 3 sisters. Except that she never really knew her oldest sister, Elizabeth. 

As we have visited her family in past years, her sibling group has thinned out considerably. Starting out with 5 boys and 3 girls, it had gotten to only Shirley, her sister, Mary (who we visited in November for health reasons) and her two remaining brothers. This was not counting Elizabeth, since no one seemed to have any information about her. 

Elizabeth was the oldest of the children, but left the home early on. Shirley only met her once in her life. So it has always been a desire to find out what we could about this sister. As technology has gotten more robust and there are things like DNA tests, we have had some new tools. This past week we finally got the test results back from a DNA kit that Shirley had sent in. We were hoping to perhaps get some matches which would lead us to more information about Shirley’s sister. It might also give some interesting information about her ethnic background. 

As we sat with the information, we started digging deep into records and files online. We both enjoy reading and watching detective stories and this was right up our alley. All we had about Elizabeth was her name. We knew approximately when she was born, but not with certainty. We did not know where she was born or when, with any certainty. We didn’t know where she had lived since her 16th, when Shirley had met her. 

In the end we found out quite a lot of information. We found Shirley’s maternal grandparents (and even great-grandparents). This helped in finding Elizabeth. We had one place where Elizabeth was mentioned as “Elizabeth F. Walker”, but we had no idea what the “F” could stand for. Then we found that Shirley’s maternal grandmother was named “Faye”. Mystery solved and we could start searching further. A marriage certificate and some census information nailed down that Elizabeth must have been born in 1953. We found an Elizabeth Fay (born Walker) of about the right age and living in Missouri - not far from where we thought she might have gone to school. 

In the end we found an obituary and everything came together. Elizabeth had never gone far. She had lived for a bit with her maternal grandparents, had a child young and married the man she would stay with until his death in 2013. She passed away in 2020 in the small town in Missouri where she had lived for most of her life. She was 67 and died with emphysema (as did Shirley’s mother). 

It is disappointing to realize that we were too late. We do not think that we could have found her earlier without some of the tools we now have at our disposal. And we still do not know why there has never been contact with the family. That is the next step. 

Still, it is good to know a little bit about who she was: a mother with three children, lots of grandkids and even a few great-grandkids. And we have discovered that these tools may help to uncover some more about her father’s side of the family - another mystery. 

We are thankful that we can know a little bit about our families. We are even more grateful that we get to visit from time to time. Scott will get to meet his Aunt Betty after having seen her last when he was a teenager. We will both get to see our siblings and their children soon on our trip through the US. And we will of course get to see our own children. 

Family forms us in some important ways. We are especially thankful that we also will be blessed to see our Christian family across the US as we travel from congregation to congregation. This is our eternal family and has formed and is forming us still in the most important ways.

A day of detours

Have you ever had a day like that before? I got up 10 minutes earlier than usual so that Sean would be on time and so that, when I walk the dog I don't run into (literally sometimes - do you know how dark it is at 7 am?) anyone on the way. Instead we ran into the usual suspects on the walk and had to adapt - and everything was just fine.
On the way to my study with Mr. W. I dropped Shirley off at the shopping center - a bit out of the way, but we knew that we wouldn't be home until dinner that evening. At Mr. W. I was planning on talking about choices, but he had some other questions - about Jewish food customs and why Jesus didn't say anything about it (and I showed him that Jesus did say something about it) and how God would react to those who reject Jesus. And so we ended up talking about choices and how people react to the message of Jesus.
Leaving Mr. W. I had to take a detour that took me way out of my way and made me late to pick up Shirley. But she was waiting patiently and we went on to our visit and study with Willemien. Our time together was wonderful, even though we had to cut our visit there short because we had made a special appointment with LJ at the library in Maastricht.
Arriving at the library I had to find a parking place and we couldn't get the room we wanted at first. But the young man in 'our' room was willing to move for a little bit (we were shooting a video), we got everything done in plenty of time and Shirley and I got home earlier than Sean had expected. "What are you guys doing home already?" (But he was happy!)
After a quick dinner, Sean and I were off to his practice, back in Maastricht. While he was practicing, I got some work done and took the dog for her evening walk. The fields were quite muddy, so we had to change our usual walk. But the evening was dry and warm (I could almost walk with my jacket open) and Snuffles enjoyed it immensely.
After taking Sean back home I drove back in to Maastricht (this is a 20 minute drive) to get together for about 40 minutes with the university students who were looking at Hebrews 6 that evening (don't get stuck in the elementary teachings - move on to a relationship that is worth working on!). I couldn't stay as long as I might have liked. Stephan gets out of his basketball practice at 9:30 in Maasmechelen (about 20 minutes the other side of our house). It is so good to see how he is growing.
Back home I figured I would finally take off my shoes, put up my feet and chill a bit. Sean got ready for bed and came over to give me a hug ("You look like you need a hug"). When I went up to put Sean to bed (I love that they still allow me to do this - they are my little boys and I love them so much), he asked wisely why I didn't just go to bed - so I did.
Not exactly what I had planned at the beginning of the day - but when I leave things in God's hands and focus on what is being done, it all works out just fine.

Ascension Adventure

Years ago, when Shirley and I were young marrieds (wait a minute - we are still young marrieds!). we would often go off on a walk somewhere, just wondering where it would lead us. We looked for "adventure" this way. Sometimes taking a new road, sometimes not worrying about whether our shoes would get wet or muddy - whatever. When the boys came along, these adventures slowed down (although they were just as much a part of the adventure!).

Now that the guys are older, can handle themselves at home alone, and aren't always interested in doing what Mom and Dad are doing (did that surprise you?), Shirley and I decided to leave them on their own for a bit and go on an adventure. Ascension Day is a holiday here, so we jumped in the car and drove off - we had a general direction, but simply chose a turn whenever we approached an intersection.

We are blessed to live in a very international area, and a very beautiful area, so we drove through hills in Belgium, the Netherlands and Germany - all within 10 minutes of each other. There is a "three-country-point" (which we didn't visit since we have been there before), and lots of rolling hills and picturesque villages. A stop for coffee and lunch in one village, wondering where that road leads to (and finding out), several castles and ending up at a village where they were holding an antique and rummage sale (one man's junk is another man's antiques!).

We got home in time for dinner and played a game with the boys before watching a movie together. It was a great adventure-filled day!