Whatsit Wednesday: Shawl

A shawl is not inherently Belgian or Dutch. We know that people around the world wear them, except in the warmer climes of the world. But it is here that I first saw how important this piece of outwear is, for both men and women. Belgian and Dutch weather has a whole season for shawls - and not just one shawl. There is a whole fashion culture built up around this clothing accessory. 

When we first moved here, I knew that a nice “pashmina” would be a good birthday gift for Shirley. Today is her birthday and I still think about a good shawl. Shirley likes shawls. They can be used in so may different ways. There are silk versions, wool version and of course all sorts of blends. They can be one color, multicolored and patterned in every way. And each one can have a different purpose or time of year. 

You see, the light shawl is first brought out in the Fall as the weather starts to turn. One needs something around the neck to keep the sharper winds out, but the winter coat has not yet been dug out of the deepest closet. So every one is still wearing light coats, suit coats or windbreakers. But to add just that bit of extra protection and fashion sense, a colorful shawl is draped around the neck, sometimes tucked into the coat or suit coat. 

That was one of the things that struck me when I first came - shawls are worn in many different ways. You can see students wrapping a long, thick shawl around their neck, tossing it over their shoulders as they climb aboard their bicycles to race off to class somewhere in the city. On the shopping streets you will see posh gentlemen with a somewhat thinner shawl tucked around their neck and into their coat. Some men will even wear a light shawl around their neck, trailing down their back, in the cooler of the summer months. 

Women, as Shirley shows well, have all sorts of ways to accessorize their clothing in any season. Shirley drapes a silk shawl on one side to accentuate a color. Or she can use a thicker one to serve almost as a sort of poncho, adding some warmth which can be easily and quickly removed if needed. 

Shirley loves finding a beautiful shawl and adding it to her collection. So that remains a good choice for a birthday present. Which reminds me… I need to get to the store. 

Shirley

It comes around every year. Some years we don’t really get an opportunity to celebrate on the day itself. This year was different. Dutch custom says that you wait at home and accept guests. I told people they could have the morning (if Shirley wanted) because I had plans for the rest of the day. 

We spent the day walking around the stores of Maastricht. Shirley hasn’t been in a while and she enjoys her window shopping. It is always nice to look and see what is being sold. And the Christmas lights were all out! Afterwards we stopped for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants - a fusion place with steak, fish, chicken and veggie variations. 

Later this evening we are going to cuddle down and watch some Pride and Prejudice (the series, not the movie) after we light all the candles in the house and get some good snacks ready. We are blessed to be able to celebrate, to have time to do this together, and to be able to get around with our car. But mostly I am blessed with this wonderful woman who has been with me more than half her life. 

Thank you for so many who have already wished her a happy birthday. And happy birthday to all of those who share this day with Shirley - there are a lot of you in our lives as well! 

Digging in the past

Family is important. Knowing where you come from, what your background is. Knowing doesn’t mean that you are fated to be a certain way, but it always helps to put things into perspective. 

Both Shirley and Scott come from relatively large families. Scott grew up with 4 brothers and a sister (he is in the middle). Shirley grew up in a family of 8 kids, where she is one of 3 sisters. Except that she never really knew her oldest sister, Elizabeth. 

As we have visited her family in past years, her sibling group has thinned out considerably. Starting out with 5 boys and 3 girls, it had gotten to only Shirley, her sister, Mary (who we visited in November for health reasons) and her two remaining brothers. This was not counting Elizabeth, since no one seemed to have any information about her. 

Elizabeth was the oldest of the children, but left the home early on. Shirley only met her once in her life. So it has always been a desire to find out what we could about this sister. As technology has gotten more robust and there are things like DNA tests, we have had some new tools. This past week we finally got the test results back from a DNA kit that Shirley had sent in. We were hoping to perhaps get some matches which would lead us to more information about Shirley’s sister. It might also give some interesting information about her ethnic background. 

As we sat with the information, we started digging deep into records and files online. We both enjoy reading and watching detective stories and this was right up our alley. All we had about Elizabeth was her name. We knew approximately when she was born, but not with certainty. We did not know where she was born or when, with any certainty. We didn’t know where she had lived since her 16th, when Shirley had met her. 

In the end we found out quite a lot of information. We found Shirley’s maternal grandparents (and even great-grandparents). This helped in finding Elizabeth. We had one place where Elizabeth was mentioned as “Elizabeth F. Walker”, but we had no idea what the “F” could stand for. Then we found that Shirley’s maternal grandmother was named “Faye”. Mystery solved and we could start searching further. A marriage certificate and some census information nailed down that Elizabeth must have been born in 1953. We found an Elizabeth Fay (born Walker) of about the right age and living in Missouri - not far from where we thought she might have gone to school. 

In the end we found an obituary and everything came together. Elizabeth had never gone far. She had lived for a bit with her maternal grandparents, had a child young and married the man she would stay with until his death in 2013. She passed away in 2020 in the small town in Missouri where she had lived for most of her life. She was 67 and died with emphysema (as did Shirley’s mother). 

It is disappointing to realize that we were too late. We do not think that we could have found her earlier without some of the tools we now have at our disposal. And we still do not know why there has never been contact with the family. That is the next step. 

Still, it is good to know a little bit about who she was: a mother with three children, lots of grandkids and even a few great-grandkids. And we have discovered that these tools may help to uncover some more about her father’s side of the family - another mystery. 

We are thankful that we can know a little bit about our families. We are even more grateful that we get to visit from time to time. Scott will get to meet his Aunt Betty after having seen her last when he was a teenager. We will both get to see our siblings and their children soon on our trip through the US. And we will of course get to see our own children. 

Family forms us in some important ways. We are especially thankful that we also will be blessed to see our Christian family across the US as we travel from congregation to congregation. This is our eternal family and has formed and is forming us still in the most important ways.

Take it easy!

On Monday we went to the doctor for Shirley’s check-up after the operation. He showed us the x-rays, talked about what they mean, mentioned that everything was looking quite good, and asked if there were any questions. Shirley had a few, which were easily and clearly answered: she is doing great and can do whatever is possible for her body. She just needs to listen to what her body is telling her.

Then I had some questions. I am the one who has been coming down hard on her about doing all sorts of things. I am overprotective, I admit it. But I want to help. So Shirley has chafed at not being able to even do some simple things – not because she is not able, but because I will not allow her. The doctor had now made it clear: Take it easy! That was directed at me, not at Shirley.

Thank you all for your prayers and emails, your encouragement and good advice. The next time Shirley has to go in isn’t until August for a six-month check-up where they will just check the implants and make sure all is still going well. As far as the doctor is concerned, Shirley is ready to roll (and I will try to take it easy while I try to make sure that she really listens to her body). 

Shirley's neck

This afternoon Shirley goes in to the hospital in Genk in preparation for an operation tomorrow morning. For years she has been dealing with pain in her arm and neck (you read about this in the blog even five years ago). After various attempts at medication and therapy, the doctors have decided that this is the only option left to remove the pain She could also simply learn to live with more and more pain, but already the slight damage to nerves in her arm are causing an atrophy in the muscles.
So Shirley has decided to go ahead with the fusing of three vertebrae. The doctors remove the disks at the C6-C7 and C5-C6, place blocks (space holders) and fuse those two areas. This will relieve the pressure on the nerve to her arm.
Shirley is upbeat about the operation and looking forward to less pain, although she knows that the recovery time (about 6 weeks of taking it easy) will be a challenge. Some of you have also gone through some of this and I am sure that Shirley would be interested to hear your experiences. If you would like to respond, simply add it to the comment section below, or email us (sraabs[at]yahoo.ie). What helped you? What were your experiences?
Thank you for your prayers. We will keep you updated on how things go.

A good woman who can find?

Well, I don't know about you, but I've definitely got one!
You know she really loves you when you're shivering and just can't get warm, so she cuddles up close to you - even though you are now cold because you have just sweat up the whole bed from your flu fever and she has to cuddle up to all that sweat (hope you're not eating dinner while reading this!). The next three days Shirley nursed me and Sean back to health through all our aches and whining. I am so thankful for this real woman who is so very beautiful at moments when you would not really expect it (but when you most want it to be so).

Ascension Adventure

Years ago, when Shirley and I were young marrieds (wait a minute - we are still young marrieds!). we would often go off on a walk somewhere, just wondering where it would lead us. We looked for "adventure" this way. Sometimes taking a new road, sometimes not worrying about whether our shoes would get wet or muddy - whatever. When the boys came along, these adventures slowed down (although they were just as much a part of the adventure!).

Now that the guys are older, can handle themselves at home alone, and aren't always interested in doing what Mom and Dad are doing (did that surprise you?), Shirley and I decided to leave them on their own for a bit and go on an adventure. Ascension Day is a holiday here, so we jumped in the car and drove off - we had a general direction, but simply chose a turn whenever we approached an intersection.

We are blessed to live in a very international area, and a very beautiful area, so we drove through hills in Belgium, the Netherlands and Germany - all within 10 minutes of each other. There is a "three-country-point" (which we didn't visit since we have been there before), and lots of rolling hills and picturesque villages. A stop for coffee and lunch in one village, wondering where that road leads to (and finding out), several castles and ending up at a village where they were holding an antique and rummage sale (one man's junk is another man's antiques!).

We got home in time for dinner and played a game with the boys before watching a movie together. It was a great adventure-filled day!

February-March Newsletter

LIGHT in the Lowlands
Reaching out to the people of Belgium and the Netherlands

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

Dear brothers and sisters, family and friends,
Some months just fly by! These past two months have shown us why it is so important to know what we believe.

What do you believe?
Our regular studies, our youth activities and our outreach has been focused on this question - either by purpose or providence. It has been enervating and exciting as well as frustrating at times.
Every week I read from the Bible with four people (for whom many of you have been praying). It has been interesting to see how each meeting is becoming a confrontation - not because I am doing anything differently, but because the message of Jesus is getting through. We mustn’t underestimate how much smoke and miscommunication blurs this message to people in a culture where one assumes the message has already been heard (and long ago rejected). So when the real picture of Jesus - as presented in the Bible - finally gets through, it can be quite confronting.
Some don’t like it. Jesus calls us to follow him and only him. He makes clear that there are good things and bad things - no relativism for him. And he calls sin “sin” - without beating around the bush. So what do you do with Jesus?
One of the people I read with has come to realize what it means to be adopted nito Christ - at least that he is not yet part of Christ. Another has been considering this question for some time. She knows that if she accepts Jesus that this means changing her life. This change can be literally dangerous for her in her own country. She wonders if she is willing to make this choice. Does she really believe?
This is also what came up during the Catholic weekend in which we had an opportunity to participate. The “articles of faith” are usually quoted during confirmation - the moment for Catholics when they accept the baptism they were given as babies and declare their own faith. But do these young people (11 and 12-year-olds) really believe these things? That is what one of the organizers struggled with, mainly because he also is not sure if he believes them. So the young people were encouraged during an activity to put together the things they DO believe in. These young people will have been challenged to think about what they really believe when they make this choice.
Thank you for your prayers for this opportunity. There were some really good opportunities for discussion - with the young people and with the adults. We pray that God will continue to use us in this village in the future. There are so many who do not know what they believe or why.
This is why we want to get people into reading their Bible. Our course “Getting to know the Bible” was offered in March, but there were no takers. We sometimes don’t know if this is because of the time (just after Carnaval), our advertising methods, or some other reason. It was frustrating to have everything ready and no one show up. But we are not giving up. We have put ads in the papers and will offer the course again at the end of April, beginning of May.
Growing together
In February I presented a series of lessons at the Advanced Bible Study Series (ABSS) in Germany. The lessons were on “Glory and suffering” and camne from 1 Peter. Difficult material when you are one who has not yet really suffered - considering that in the West we aren’t really persecuted as Christians. But it is important information to internalize. We all expereince what we feel is suffering, and the message remains the same: If we hold on to God, He is glorified and will carry us through, shining as never before.

- Scott taught at ABSS -

The week after ABSS Shirley was able to go to the Ladies Retreat in Germany. We weren’t sure if her health would allow it, but she did well on the drive there and back and enjoyed the time with sisters from around Europe. We are so thankful that several of the ladies from the congregation here are able to go - and want to go.

- at the Ladies Retreat -

Back in Maastricht we continued working on some memory verses - another possibly confronting situation. It was exciting to see some of the young people learning these verses, while the adults were the ones struggling. But it was also a challenge to make clear that this is a opportunity and not a badge of superiority. We want everyone to know the pleasure of knowing God through His word. In April we will get together for a weekend at Easter and test our knowledge a bit, but in the meantime we will put our knowledge into practice - the best test. What a wonderful, challenging, life-changing God we have!

PRAYER WARRIORS
Please keep the following in your prayers.
- My reading in the Bible with LJ, the Chinese PhD student.
- Our contact with young people in the village of Ruud and Karla (Veldwezelt).
- Development of a program for our older youth (18-30) and helping them to grow in their faith.
- Our upcoming youth activities. These contacts are going well, with our own young people and their friends.
- The “Getting to know the Bible” series in April and May - for good visitors.
- Shirley’s and Ruud’s health.

ON THE FAMILY SIDE . . .
I want to use this opportunity first to update you on what has been going on with Shirley’s health. At the time of this writing she is feeling pretty good and we are very thankful for your prayers and for the wonderful care we always have in our Father.
In December Shirley realized that the pain in her arm and neck were not going to go away, so we went to the doctor. He sent us to the physical therapist, who really couldn’t help, so we were referred to some tests. Shirley has now had the pleasure of expereincing a CT scan, an EMG and an MRI. To clear up that alphabet soup a little: a CT scan is like an all-around x-ray, and EMG measures electrical impulses, and an MRI uses magnetics to look at the soft tissues in your body (sees what the x-ray cannot).
All of these tests confirmed what the first specialist said - Shirley has two major hernias in her neck pressing on two nerves which go to her right arm. The hernias may be caused by or exacerbated by the arthrose in her neck (arthrose is basically wear and tear - the bone is worn out). She has anti-inflammatory medicine to help what may be swelling (although it is not certain that anything is swelling) and takes some pain madeicine. She also needed to stop doing the things that hurt (easier said than done!).
At the end of March we had a further meeting with the neurosurgeon (works on nerves) about the possibilities of surgery. He is happy that Shirley seems to be doing well with the medicine. Shirley will go in for another EMG in April to make sure that the nerve is not deteriorating (even though she does not have as much pain). At that point they may discuss surgery again.
In the meantime, Shirley continues being the joy she has always been in the lives of those around her. She makes bread and muffins and cookies (as long as one of her “men” gets the things from the tall cabinet), makes sure that everything is running well in the household and shows a continuous and firm trust in God. She knows that this physical ailment is frustrating, but not eternal.
The boys have continued growing and learning in all they are doing. Sean is now well above Shirley in height. In fact, he may pass Stephan soon. They both continue to enjoy their sports and keep going in school (whether theyreally want to or not). Stephan takes the SAT in May, so he has been doing some extra studying.
It has been great to see how both of the boys have tried to help in all ways when needed while Shirley was not feeling well. Stephan is truly a young man, willing to accept responsibility, taking the consequences when he does something wrong, willing to make things right, sharing in his victories. It is exciting to see.
At the end of March we were pleased to be able to see Sue Foster. She is still planning on joining the team in Ghent and was able to spend some time with them there. We were just glad to be able to visit some. What a joyful spirit!

EXTRA'S
DID YOU KNOW?
Tidbits of information about Belgium and the Netherlands
Well-known current sport celebrities
- Women’s tennis: Justin Henin and Kim Clijsters
Interestingly - Justin is from the French-speaking area, Kim from the Flemish-speaking area of Belgium.
- Swimming: Dutchman Pieter van den Hoogenband was American sensation Michael Phelps’ major competition in the 200meter freestyle at Melbourne. He won 3 Olympic gold medals in Sydney.
-IOC: Jacques Rogge, a Belgian, is the chairman of the International Olympic Committee.

What’s coming up?
APRIL
Youth weekend
Getting to know the Bible
Listen Up! Concert
MAY
Getting to know the bIble
JUNE
Youth weekend and concert

THANKS!
- For your emails and comments on the blog
- For all those helping with our furlough
- For your continued prayers and encouragement

Thank you for all of your prayers and comments (on the blog). We are enjoying the things that God has brought into our life, knowing that we are always with Him - so it’s going to be great!

Shirley update

Today I learned (Shirley already knew this) that a neurologist and a neurosurgeon are two different things. The neurologist deals with brains. The neurosurgeon deals with nerves. We went to the latter today.
Again, it is not nice to know that there is something wrong, but it is good to know that it is not all in your head. So the neurosurgeon confirmed that Shirley has a pinched nerve caused by a herniated disc. They want to take an MRI (magnetic resonance image) at the end of the month to better see exactly what the situation is. There is always an option to operate - which sounds pretty scary, but they said is fairly routine (hopefully THEIR routine).
In the meantime, Shirley is doing a little better - sleeping better at night and the pain in the arm is not as frequent. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, calls and emails. We have a wonderful Father who continues to strengthen us through all the different situations we experience.

Shirley's neck

Shirley's neck
Originally uploaded by sraabs.

We got the results from the tests on Shirley's neck today. She has some advanced arthroses (wear and tear) of the neck. This is bothersome and rather early for her. More to the point, it may have also contributed to the real problem.

She also has three hernia's (a bulging of the stuff in between the disks) - between C5-C6, C6-C7 and between C7-D1. A hernia is not a problem on its own if it doesn't push agains a nerve. Unfortunately, that is exactly what is happening with two of Shirley's hernias. So the hernias are causing pain, causing the feeling in her arm to go away and even at times causing a loss of motor function.

She will continue to take it easy, take some medicine to reduce the swelling and some pain medication to be able to sleep at night. She is still able to function fairly normally during the day (the doctor's words), but should refrain from things that hurt.

A bit frustrating realizing that the arthroses is already present, but also nice to know that this isn't all in your head (although WE knew that!). The hernia can be reduced (the swelling) so that it doesn't push on the nerve, but this takes a long time. Thanks for your prayers. Continue to pray for comfort and courage.