Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, in the US, in Belgium and in the Netherlands. Sometimes the days differ in the different countries. The flower shops will of course have all been quite happy. I must admit, I am always thankful for how easy it is to get flowers in our area. I love getting Shirley flowers, but even more so on this day. 

Yesterday both of our boys made a video call to wish their mom a wonderful day. We also got to see our daughter-in-love Jill (Sean’s wife) and our granddaughter (Stephan’s daughter). It is at moments like those that we are so very thankful for the blessings of being parents. And I am especially thankful for Shirley being their mother. 

It isn’t just about that she was willing to bear them and bring them into the world. That was challenge enough, for sure. I still remember the Lamaze classes we took together preparing for Stephan’s arrival. He didn’t seem to want to leave and in the end they had to remove him with forceps. Shirley had gotten so tired after quite a long labor that she couldn’t push any more. 

When it came time for Sean, four years later, we lived in a completely different country and Shirley knew that she would have to give birth in a different language. She went through some false labor (where we went to the hospital, they kept her a while and then sent her home) and then the day came. It was following a pretty intense couple of weeks of Bible camp where she had stood in the kitchen cooking and also caring for Stephan. 

Sean was different because she birthed in a sort of chair instead of on a bed. She also was almost required to stay 5 days in the hospital. IN the US where Stephan was born, she was sent home pretty much the next day. Of course in Belgium she asked to go home early because she wasn’t getting the rest they were hoping she would - there being 4 other mothers and babies in the room. 

But after the births came all the years of caring, feeding, teaching, learning from, and being amazed at these boys in our lives. Shirley has always been a serious, clear, caring mother and I am so thankful for her love for our boys and our family. It reminds me of all that my own mom must have gone through with me, all of the effort and care and love she poured into me. So I am glad that technology exists and I can call my mom as well. 

For all of you mothers - thank you for your love for your husbands, your children and for the Lord who has taught us what love us and given us this possibility. 

On the family side - in Indianapolis

Last Monday we were flying. Shirley is just recently returned from a short but intense visit to her sick sister, but now it is time to travel for a much happier reason. We finally get to meet our granddaughter, Sophia. We are looking forward to being able to get to know her a little bit in the 2 weeks we will be there. 

Sophia Ruby was born June 29, 2023, just after we had visited. We were in Indianapolis in the middle of May and Sophia arrived at the end of June. We have been thankful for every single photograph we receive. And every once in a while, especially as she is getting older, she is awake when we video-call our son. Since there is a 6 hour difference, we call at their lunchtime. 

The month before we traveled we were able to wave and say hello again via the computer. She was a happy little baby and was clearly learning how to wave, flapping with her fingers as we cooed and laughed through the computer screen. Now we are able to wave and coo and hold her tight. We are enjoying hearing her, seeing her and laughing with her. And of course sharing all these moments with Stephan and Natalie. 

It was exciting recently to be able to congratulate both of them on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We remember how much our children changed our lives, with all of the challenges and excitements. It still amazes me that God has so designed us that he trusts us for a time with children, teaching us the love of a parent so that we understand Him as well. 

We have also already had an opportunity to see Scott’s brother, Mike and his family. It is good to see the nephews again who are all growing tall and have become young men. On the other side we have also spent time with Natalie’s parents and her sister and brother-in-law. We are able to move around the city and have been blessed with a place to stay thanks to church family who are also so willing to help in so many ways. 

We will be in Indianapolis until July 4 (what a day to fly back to Europe) and are looking forward to all of the time we will be able to share. Sean and Jill are also flying over from New York, so we will all be together on Sophia’s birthday. Not that she will remember any of that. Hopefully, she will simply stick her face in a cake and laugh. But we will enjoy being all together - with this new addition. 

We are so very thankful for the chance to make this trip and for all who have helped to make it possible. 

(This picture is from the last time we were all together in 2018)

Fathers

When our boys were young, in primary school, the teachers always made sure that the children did something for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I remember wearing a paper tie on a Sunday morning because it was made by my son for me for Father’s Day. In Belgium, Father’s Day falls on the second Sunday, so it was celebrated yesterday. 

In the Netherlands and the United States the day is celebrated this year on June 16. This will be our oldest son’s first Father’s Day. His daughter, our first granddaughter, Sophia, will turn one year old at the end of the month. We are thankful that we are able to finally visit and meet the young lady. We arrive in Indianapolis the day after Father’s Day. 

These celebrations always remind me of the many people in my life who have played such an important role. Of course we are so very thankful for our own parents (and I will be congratulating my father as well next week). But as Jesus promised Peter, when we leave all to follow Jesus (and that is what any follower of Jesus truly does), then we find we have hundreds more in our lives. 

My best friend’s father, Ron Carter, was always somewhat of a father to me, teaching me about who Jesus was and what it means to follow Him as well as showing me what a father looks like in a family. When I spent two years as an apprentice to an evangelist, it was he who also influenced my life. He was less of a father figure and more of a teacher, but I learned much from him as well. 

Being a father is more than simply having children. Although I know that I was not the best father in the world, I tried to do what I had learned from the people around me and especially from God’s word. I am aware that the example I was to my boys is what will last longest in their memoires. And it is then that I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father and the grace that He provides. 

Who was influential in your life as a father figure? How important is it to you to know that God is your Father? 

(It is such a joy to have seen and see these boy grow to men). 

Travel in uncertain times

These days people are traveling for all sorts of reasons. Many are thankful that they can finally travel after corona rules shut down travel for so long. Some are happy to be able to see children or grandchildren. On the other hand, many are traveling because they feel they must - to escape poverty or war or danger. 

We usually plan to travel every three years. We plan a “Home Assignment” where we travel for about two months in the US to all of our supporting congregations and our family in the various States we find them. Our family members are not in the States where our supporting congregations are. This means a lot of traveling. 

Our last time making this trip was in 2019, a year before corona rules reared their ugly head. That would normally mean that we would travel again in 2022, this year. Considering that many of the rules are only now being changed or dropped, we have been waiting to see what might be possible before planning anything. And then gas prices started going up. 

At this point, we know that we will not be able to come when we might first have planned - from mid-May to begin July as we have in years past. It is simply too close now to try to plan and get everything ready. So we had started looking at coming in the Fall instead. It is a lot easier for us to travel from an empty nest. But as we look at the options, we are still very uncertain. 

So we just want to let you know that we MIGHT see you in August, September or October if things work out well. We would travel from mid-August through the first week of October. Nothing is set. 

We are looking at different ways of traveling as well. Usually our trip included 8-10 flights. As anyone who has flown can tell you, it is not necessarily the flight that is tiring or time-consuming, but getting to and from the plane. So we have considered making a driving loop along many of our midwest stops. This would mean some extra costs for a rental car. And of course, with gas prices, this might end up being worse than flying. 

We understand that we are very blessed to even consider traveling for these reasons and we are thankful that it might be possible. Please do keep us in your prayers as we try to figure out if this would be wise and how then to plan it. We would love to see you in person again. 

For a time

Just a few hours ago, 24 years ago, I joined the ranks of those who have been blessed with this privilege of time and responsibility doused in love. I became a father. This small – no sorry, ‘small’ doesn’t define what I felt at the moment I first held him: he was tiny for a human being as far as I was concerned, fragile, wonderful, amazing.

And this baby was placed in my hands. Literally of course, at that moment. The nurse picked the baby up and placed him in my hands. Actually he fit in one hand, with his cheek on my palm, his legs dangling from my elbow. I didn’t hold him like that the first time. I doubt the nurse would have allowed it and I certainly didn’t know it was possible. At that moment I was afraid I might break him. But in that moment I first started to grasp this privilege – and I was immensely thankful. 

We can look back now on the hours, days, weeks, months, years that have flown by and marvel at how these boys have grown. Our two sons are both basically out of the house. Stephan, who just turned 24, is married and living in Ohio. Sean, who recently turned 20, is mostly only home on the weekends while studying in Brussels through the week. The time flew by. Everyone told us it would, but it did! And it is such an important time.

I realized that first moment 24 years ago what an immense gift this is, although I did not grasp all of the implications at that time – I don’t know that I have grasped them all even now. To be granted to care for this person for a time, to help them grow, to show them what it is to live – this is a privilege. We did not ‘make’ them. They are not ‘ours’ – even though we say that because that is how our language notes that the children are in our care. We have been blessed with this short time to influence and be influenced by this precious life.

We don’t ever really know how long we will have. We always think that we most certainly have until the great-grandchildren are gathered around our deathbed to hear our last wonderful words of wisdom passed on in our last breath. And we do have some continued influence even after ‘our’ children have left home. But the time we are given to be parents is precious. And short. And wonderful.

God has chosen us as parents and has placed this child in our hands where we wonder at his size and how wonderfully he is made. And then we begin to realize the reality of what this means – we are to care for him, teach him all that is good, not break him, let him become the wonderful person God has made him. As our boys grew we were periodically reminded of this wonder, this responsibility, this blessing. I am so thankful that they were placed in our hands – for a time.

Borrowed

The other day we were able to talk with our son, Stephan, and his wife, Natalie in Ohio. Technology is truly a wonderful thing. We were able to see each other and talk about their new life together. It seems just a few years ago that Stephan was a little boy climbing trees. Now he is a husband, starting a life together with his wife, planning their future together.

With children it is easier to see the truth that all we have is borrowed. Children are not ‘ours’ and that becomes clear when they leave home and start their own life. We never did own them; they were given into our care for a short time so that we could help them grow in their faith. They were given to us for a short time so that they could help us grow in our faith.

Everything we ‘have’ is actually on loan. It is not ours. We don’t ‘have’ anything. Our bodies do not belong to us. When the time comes, they will return to the earth from which they were formed. As Christians we should understand this completely. ‘This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through’. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit; we are not our own, we were purchased with a price. Our possessions, wealth, houses, abilities – all are given to us by God for a time so that He can bless others through us. We are here so that righteousness is seen in the world, bringing glory to God (Titus 2:11-12).

So, what we have is not ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ or anything else. If we have it, God can use it – if we allow Him to. Now, if I were renting this, I might run the risk of not valuing it properly. How carefully do we deal with a rental car, or the tools we rent from the hardware store? After all, they’re insured aren’t they? And I didn’t buy them. But I didn’t rent these things in my life. I didn’t pay anything. They have been given me to use – they are borrowed. It’s not ‘just’ a rental car – you know the owner. You are borrowing it and need to give it back. So I take care and cherish that which has been given me, knowing that it is given with a purpose.

Enjoy the moments you have with all that you have, no matter how much or little it is. God can do amazing things with what He has given us, much more than we can do with the same things.